February 2008 - Parenting Debates

Parenting Debates

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Parenting Debates - February 2008

Congratulations - We Made It!

February 24th 2008 01:37

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE KIDS WHO

WERE BORN IN THE

1940's, 50's, 60's 70's

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a tin, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode on our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a van - loose - was always exciting and great fun.

We drank water from the garden hose or tap and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cakes, white bread and real butter and drank cordial with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes afew times, we learned to solve the problem .

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, Novideo games at all, No’ 99 channels, No Pay TV, No cable, No DVD movies or surround sound.

It's crazy! We even had

No mobile phones, No text messaging, No personal computers, No Internet or Internet chat rooms..........

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We played with worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

Made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we didn't poke out anyone's eye.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Local teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all!

And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

and while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with your eyes shut holding a pair of scissors, doesn't it?!

PS -The BIG type is because at your age, your eyes are buggered....

Hope you liked this - not written by me but thanks to the author - well worth another spin! Tamra

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Upgrading the Next Generation

February 19th 2008 01:25

If we were computers, the next generation would be smarter, faster, less toxic to the environment and more efficient overall. The next, sleeker models would have their hard-drives programmed effectively; we would have taken out all the unnecessary software and kept only the good bits in … or would we?

A couple of thoughts crashed into each other over the weekend to make me stop and think–perhaps we’re all just on this one revolving travelator, that has no beginning and no end, and it’s not actually heading upwards or beyond to anything better than where we’ve been before. And I don’t mean we’re just stuck in Westfield.

I thought as parents we were learning from our own mistakes, bringing our wisdom -as incomplete as it may be- to our children, and providing it to them as an offering, a ‘we’ve gone before and learnt this so you may travel easier’, sort of thing. But now I’m not so sure. On the way to school on Friday I walked past a newsagent with its long row of magazines telling us how we could re-shape, lose more, diet crazy, botox, vacuum fats, cut out meals, eat more carbs, to get the fab new you; then arrived to hear mothers in the playground discussing how desperately unhappy they were with their weight and their hairdos, all of course in front of their daughters.

Then the day ended at a party where I found myself discussing, with an intelligent trio of other women, the merits of receiving an appreciative verbal clap on the back from the boss with either, (a) a self-deprecating ‘it was nothing’, or (b) a full-bodied acceptance. There was consensus that the acceptance of praise would of course be followed by deep confusion and suspicion of said compliment…

Let me cut to the chase. How have we steered so far from self acceptance and self-love? What messages are we as individuals, parents and a society passing onto our children? At this rate, ‘the next generation’ will be as slow as us, need constant re-booting, and have unexplained periods of malaise and on-line drop-outs.

I did a quick sum and worked out that if we had spent the same amount of money on the whole of humanity – as we do on diet pills, magazines, overpriced hairdos, magic moisturisers and plastic surgery – we would have no war, starvation, famine, drought or mad cow disease…give or take fifty bucks. That is, if we loved and accepted who we were, enjoyed our bodies in all their wondrous shapes and sizes, we would be happy, happier, happiest. If our children saw us being confident in what we wore, how we presented ourselves, enjoying life, instead of constantly seeking some new, better version of ourselves (which complies with some standard set by the media of which we are all a part), they too might live this way and believe that we are all okay, no matter what side our genes are buttered on.

Surely no-one could say they were proud the first time their daughter went on a diet, or had her nose surgically shortened.

Look at what we’re inflicting on our kids. In our confusion about who we are and our own body image, we’re either over-feeding them crap or we’re telling them that skinny is the new normal. Look at the horrible rates of anorexia, bulimia and morbid obesity in children.

We’ve been aware of what it takes to make a healthy, fully-functioning human for some time now, but we still insist on thrusting our pathetic, societal self-loathing on our children. And in some cases it’s effectively shortening our own children’s lifespan.

What to do? Well, it’s clearly not easy. Or maybe it is. Sometimes as they say, the simplest things are the hardest to truly master. I think it’s time to slap ourselves about the cheeks and set a better example for our children. Isn't it our end of the bargain as parents to try and bring the best of ourselves and our world to our kids? Expose them to our frailties, but not our pre-conceptions. Give them a healthy diet and stick to it ourselves. Do something for others and get the kids involved. Take the focus off what’s ‘wrong’ with us and what’s right with us might just rub off on the next generation. Tamra

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It's A Crime To Be Average

February 11th 2008 03:50

Yep, it's now official. It's an actual crime against humanity to be average. I believe they are preparing the courts now in Den Hague to prosecute parents of these, shudder, average children. Apparently if you have a child who just gets 'medium level' scores, who can you know, just read and write but doesn't play the bassoon, it can have a devastating effect on the wider community - effectively dumbing down all those wonderful gifted and talented kiddies. Shocking isn't it?

I mean, it could pave the way to a return to some hideous, primeval past where kids just run around the park in the afternoons learning nothing, instead of sitting quietly and safely in those marvellous coaching, er I mean, learning clinics for lovely, talented boys and girls who can't get enough books and charts and sudoku.

Okay, I'm joking. No I am, really. Sorry to those G&T parents (and I don't mean the gin and tonic set of which I am a founding member), we're not eradicating the average in our society - at least not yet. But aren't there a lot of us who seem to be hell bent on that course? Hundreds of dollars being spent weeky on "pre-reading" trainer books, evaluation for early schooling, weekly coaching clinics and more. Music, gymnastics, language, science and art classes to "round out" their education. Gymberoo, dance-a-roo, art-a-roo...soon they'll be doing classes where they teach children how to 'play' because they've been so busy they haven't had the chance to learn. Oh? They do those already? Hmmm.

This subject has been top of mind due to a couple of things I've heard lately. Firstly an overheard conversation between a high-achieving but soulful young primary-school lady to another outgoing and pretty high-achieving in her own right peer, where she remarked, how lucky this other girl was to be able to see her friends occasionally after school. She wasn't able to because of all the coaching classes and music lessons she was attending each day. Needless to say it was the pursuit of the ever elusive 'selective' school that was fueling her mother's drive. Pity it wasn't filtering down to her daughter.

And then I heard about the parents of a four year old, getting him tested for "G&T"status... What, was he writing sonnets like Mozart? Or sculpting Rodin like figures in the sandpit?? Or did mum and dad just want to join that exclusive club of G&T Parents? Sadly for this poor family, the child in question was deemed simply "bright". The doors of that hallowed institution remained firmly shut...while no doubt, canapes were being served out the back to the lucky few.

And finally a friend attending her child's squad swimming classes, met a woman who's child, complete with a broken arm, was still attending classes. They had organised a special waterproof cast so that she wouldn't miss any swimming. Musn't get behind, she apparently quipped! No, heaven forbid...and let that bone set properly in the process. This mum was also a firm believer in the coaching college to fill out all those school learning gaps like so much grey matter gap-filler. Geez Louise. What do these people do for fun? Read Wikepedia together as a family??

Lighten up people! Let your children be! We're treating our children like caterpillars caught in a bug catcher. Constantly supervising their every move. Poking and prodding them at every opportunity to ensure that they behave exactly the way we expect, we anticipate and we want them to. And wo betide those children that produce average results. Then we want someone to blaim. Teachers! They're an easy target. So, it's off to the teacher, the principal, the Prime Minister to see why Saffron, Elijiah and Allegra aren't producing their best work. And then it's onto the coaching colleges so that they're assured of getting into a selective school. And then it's onto what...? How long do parents think they can manage and manufacture results for their offspring?

Perhaps this current over-achieving obsession is being exacerbated by the constant testing of our school students? The introduction of "testing" in kindergartens has got some "average" parents a little concerned. But Mr Della Bosca assures us that - "This isn't an exam for five year olds: It’s a teaching tool to find out each child's skills as they enter school and to tailor teaching to support individual literacy and numeracy learning needs."

Hmm, doesn't sound too bad. But then - “Implementing the 'Best Start' assessment meets the Premier’s election commitment to NSW families and addresses our State Plan goal to increase the levels of attainment of all students.” Right, but whatever happened to children simply learning and reaching their own unique potential? Even Mr Della Bosca adds - "It is very disappointing however, that private coaching colleges have expressed interest in seeking sample questions so they can 'hothouse' pre-schoolers." Aghhh! So there you are. Create the climate and the disease will grow and proliferate.

All I'm saying is, where do the children play-yay-ay...oh, no Cat Stevens said that. What I'm saying is relax parents. Your child will not die a slow, sad, social death if they don't get straight A's. And neither will you. They will not turn out to be pimps and pole dancers if they don't get into a selective school or win a scholarship to a private hotel, I mean high school. They will love you just as much, if not more, if you let them hang out with you occasionally and read a book together, listen to some music, go for a walk, in other words "be" with them. And if you must try to further their education, try doing it yourself with these tips. Remember Einstein didn't do well at school. But doing well at life, in all its manifestations must surely be just as important? Tamra

"My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs." - Patrick Monahan

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SLOW DOWN!

February 7th 2008 00:58

And I don’t mean on the treadmill at the gym. I mean when you’re driving around school/s. For heaven’s sake people, it’s not the Bathurst 1000. Just watch, tomorrow morning, seemingly normal parents will be screaming up that ‘Drive 40 For Me’ road, braking to only just avoid hitting your child and driving their kids up onto the pedestrian crossings outside school!

What is it about school zones that turn reasonably sensible people into mad, irate, rule-breaking petrol-heads? People are pulling stunts outside schools that would send the RTA into a tailspin. Double-parking opposite school gates; parking in disabled zones without actual children with disabilities; driving up one-way streets the wrong way, and mounting the footpath to avoid having their children actually step up onto them

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Miranda Divine Is Not

February 1st 2008 09:50

Ahhh, that great parenting sage Miranda Divine really got it right recently, didn’t she? Believing, apparently, that you can’t afford to sit on the fence when you’re a columnist, Ms Divine declared that in a recent experience at her gym, when an out of control tantrum-ing child couldn’t raise a response from its no doubt exasperated mum, the solution was – “a swift smack on the bottom that acts as an instant "reboot" of a naughty child”. Poor foolish mother. I bet she wished she’d thought of that one.

[
I wonder what evidence Ms Divine has for children's behavioural problems being happily resolved by swatting them? A ‘reboot’? Must be some sort of new fangled Silicon Valley system of child control… Perhaps before she suggests that parents revert to the old physical punishment route, something I thought as a society we were collectively trying to eradicate like smallpox, she could produce some stats or some adult subjects grateful to their parents bashing their bums in the past or even a family counsellor advocating smacking. I’m sure she’d find one…in say, the Appalachians. And at what age is a naughty child too old to hit? Or too young? How hard can you hit before you are irrevocably damaging your child’s physical and emotional wellbeing or even your relationship to your offspring

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July 2008

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June 2008

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May 2008