TamraEndings, Departures, Farewells
August 24th 2008 06:59
As I was adjusting the viewing size on my screen yesterday, to an old codger 125% rather than the usual sprightly 100%, I realised I was getting older. I imagined what the younger me, say 12 years old, would have thought of the me that was adjusting for her poor old eyes that can’t focus anymore. I can still remember when I thought 26 was ancient. Then the thought struck me that one day I was going to die and wouldn’t see my children anymore. It was a depressing thought. It was also a necessary thought.
As the cult of the young continues on its merry dance, it’s still an inevitability that one day we are going to age and end. In fact the ending part is the only certainty of life. Isn’t it funny then that we know so little about it and discuss the subject even less. My kids have been preserved from experiencing a close friend or family member’s death till now, but it will happen of course. Just as the many other kinds of goodbyes will happen over the years.
I was moved by a reading on Radio National recently about a parent’s perspective on the many moments of separation we encounter with our children. I don’t think it even got to the final goodbye, but it covered the other chapters that brought a kind of ending: independence from parents – goodbye, first relationship – goodbye, leaving home – goodbye, starting their own family – goodbye.
It made me very sad to realise I might never experience the closeness (in proximity and emotionally) with my children that I now enjoy, but it also made me consider how important it was to catch the joy as it flies and to maintain an open and balanced relationship with my kids; the only way to keep the door open and the connection alive.
As the magnification increased on my computer screen, so too did the magnification of the issue for me: that I do not want to ever lose connection with my children and I have to ensure that I do my best to hold on when it’s appropriate and let go so that they can be free; to experience their own life and to come back ‘home’.
I hope when each of those times comes to say goodbye to my kids: leaving home, travelling, starting their own family, or even death, that I can express how much I love them and am proud of them and that our relationship is precious to me. As is true with everything I guess, quantity isn’t where it’s at. It’s quality. Tamra
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