TamraHey Parents, Get Off My Back, Literally!
May 7th 2008 03:06
They say a watched pot never boils, does it work the same way with children? Does a child ever reach their true potential with helicopter parents hovering over their every move? This term coined by Hugh Mackay, social researcher and all round life and family guru describes the new breed of parenting—have child, will hover. He posits that parents are more anxious and indulgent these days, and because of this we're creating generations of little princesses and princes. They’re indulged, over-managed and in my way of thinking, potentially the kind of children that could end up resenting and rejecting their parents and their constant manipulation and intervention.
Parents preparing to hover
In an interview with Rachel Carbonell on ABC, Mackay says:
There's also perhaps a kind of overcompensation that goes on. Older parent, only one child or two at the most, really got to put as much as possible into this. I think there is among older parents, a higher level of anxiety about the state of the world, and about the vulnerability of their kids, a greater degree of obsession about the security, the safety of their children. In a sense I suppose it's that they know more, they're more aware of what's gone on in the world, they're more perhaps concerned about their own security, and perhaps they just are more conscious of their own mortality and wanting to absolutely do the right thing by their kids, taking all that into account.’
‘Is it possible to give too much love and attention to your child? It’s a fact, parents are getting older and having less children, so perhaps parenting styles have changed along with that. Has parenting become like modern day sport? An event that has an outcome—winners or losers; something judged by how much effort you’re obviously putting into it? I know I lend a hand occasionally with homework, perhaps too much, but there are parents out there doing all their children’s work! What does that do to a child’s self esteem, let alone their education?
Certainly when I look around at the middle class parents of my generation there’s a lot of giving—love and affection on the upside, but on the downside, too much stuff, too many activities, too much worrying on the part of the parents about their children’s, and therefore their own, performance. Look it’s even spawning a retail arm, with books like When Parents Love Too Much. (Sheesh, remind me what aspect of parenting is free?!)
There were times I can recall as a child being ignored. Yep, my parents who were loving, attentive and only had two to work with, still found time to ignore us. I know people who were ignored much more than me, and you know, they’re probably fine. In fact, probably better than fine because those kids were given some freedom to experiment and fail occasionally. In our strive for our kids’ perfection (and vicariously our own), we may be robbing them of their intrinsic motivation to do better, work harder. Another irony of life. But remember folks, this is something we can control.
So put your feet up occasionally. Let them do their own homework, goof off, ignore them once in a while, allow them some freedom and yourself in the bonus. Listen out for the boiling kettle instead of hovering over it and you might just get that perfect cup of tea. Tamra x
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