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Parent Debates by Tamra

It's A Crime To Be Average

February 11th 2008 03:50
Yep, it's now official. It's an actual crime against humanity to be average. I believe they are preparing the courts now in Den Hague to prosecute parents of these, shudder, average children. Apparently if you have a child who just gets 'medium level' scores, who can you know, just read and write but doesn't play the bassoon, it can have a devastating effect on the wider community - effectively dumbing down all those wonderful gifted and talented kiddies. Shocking isn't it?

I mean, it could pave the way to a return to some hideous, primeval past where kids just run around the park in the afternoons learning nothing, instead of sitting quietly and safely in those marvellous coaching, er I mean, learning clinics for lovely, talented boys and girls who can't get enough books and charts and sudoku.


Okay, I'm joking. No I am, really. Sorry to those G&T parents (and I don't mean the gin and tonic set of which I am a founding member), we're not eradicating the average in our society - at least not yet. But aren't there a lot of us who seem to be hell bent on that course? Hundreds of dollars being spent weeky on "pre-reading" trainer books, evaluation for early schooling, weekly coaching clinics and more. Music, gymnastics, language, science and art classes to "round out" their education. Gymberoo, dance-a-roo, art-a-roo...soon they'll be doing classes where they teach children how to 'play' because they've been so busy they haven't had the chance to learn. Oh? They do those already? Hmmm.


This subject has been top of mind due to a couple of things I've heard lately. Firstly an overheard conversation between a high-achieving but soulful young primary-school lady to another outgoing and pretty high-achieving in her own right peer, where she remarked, how lucky this other girl was to be able to see her friends occasionally after school. She wasn't able to because of all the coaching classes and music lessons she was attending each day. Needless to say it was the pursuit of the ever elusive 'selective' school that was fueling her mother's drive. Pity it wasn't filtering down to her daughter.

And then I heard about the parents of a four year old, getting him tested for "G&T"status... What, was he writing sonnets like Mozart? Or sculpting Rodin like figures in the sandpit?? Or did mum and dad just want to join that exclusive club of G&T Parents? Sadly for this poor family, the child in question was deemed simply "bright". The doors of that hallowed institution remained firmly shut...while no doubt, canapes were being served out the back to the lucky few.

And finally a friend attending her child's squad swimming classes, met a woman who's child, complete with a broken arm, was still attending classes. They had organised a special waterproof cast so that she wouldn't miss any swimming. Musn't get behind, she apparently quipped! No, heaven forbid...and let that bone set properly in the process. This mum was also a firm believer in the coaching college to fill out all those school learning gaps like so much grey matter gap-filler. Geez Louise. What do these people do for fun? Read Wikepedia together as a family??

Lighten up people! Let your children be! We're treating our children like caterpillars caught in a bug catcher. Constantly supervising their every move. Poking and prodding them at every opportunity to ensure that they behave exactly the way we expect, we anticipate and we want them to. And wo betide those children that produce average results. Then we want someone to blaim. Teachers! They're an easy target. So, it's off to the teacher, the principal, the Prime Minister to see why Saffron, Elijiah and Allegra aren't producing their best work. And then it's onto the coaching colleges so that they're assured of getting into a selective school. And then it's onto what...? How long do parents think they can manage and manufacture results for their offspring?

Perhaps this current over-achieving obsession is being exacerbated by the constant testing of our school students? The introduction of "testing" in kindergartens has got some "average" parents a little concerned. But Mr Della Bosca assures us that - "This isn't an exam for five year olds: It’s a teaching tool to find out each child's skills as they enter school and to tailor teaching to support individual literacy and numeracy learning needs."

Hmm, doesn't sound too bad. But then - “Implementing the 'Best Start' assessment meets the Premier’s election commitment to NSW families and addresses our State Plan goal to increase the levels of attainment of all students.” Right, but whatever happened to children simply learning and reaching their own unique potential? Even Mr Della Bosca adds - "It is very disappointing however, that private coaching colleges have expressed interest in seeking sample questions so they can 'hothouse' pre-schoolers." Aghhh! So there you are. Create the climate and the disease will grow and proliferate.

All I'm saying is, where do the children play-yay-ay...oh, no Cat Stevens said that. What I'm saying is relax parents. Your child will not die a slow, sad, social death if they don't get straight A's. And neither will you. They will not turn out to be pimps and pole dancers if they don't get into a selective school or win a scholarship to a private hotel, I mean high school. They will love you just as much, if not more, if you let them hang out with you occasionally and read a book together, listen to some music, go for a walk, in other words "be" with them. And if you must try to further their education, try doing it yourself with these tips. Remember Einstein didn't do well at school. But doing well at life, in all its manifestations must surely be just as important? Tamra

"My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs." - Patrick Monahan



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6 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Harry

February 11th 2008 23:21
I think it's the same old story of parents trying to live their failed lives and make up for all their disappointments through their children. No matter how smart kids get, and how hard they are pushed, there will always be some who are average.

Comment by Tamra

February 12th 2008 01:14
So true! I think we forget as parents how much we project ourselves into and through our children. That's why I think its worth investigating some of these issues so we can all collectively step back and assess the real needs and aspirations of our child, vs our own!

Comment by Not Venessa Redgrave

February 12th 2008 04:00
I have always said, well not always that was a ridiculous claim and I apologise unreservedly. I have frequently said that a simple way to test whether or not to snub someone in the supermarket is whether or not they get their child's IQ tested. Truly G&T kids, that is those who would suffer from being educated in a normal school at a normal pace, and there are precious few, do not require an IQ test to be identified.
There is a great line from a Shane Maloney novel which I think applies - he describes a particular private school as being "a school for children of problem parents."
Why are so many people is such a rush to get old?

Comment by Tamra

February 12th 2008 05:13
Dear Not Ms Redgrave, do you think the term Gifted & Talented and the offer of selective and OC classes and schools has created an uber grasping class? Would things be better, parents less 'aspirational' if there was a unilateral approach to education and academically smarter children were simply given more fulfilling work?

Comment by Cristy

April 7th 2008 20:34
It makes me feel so much better to know other parents feel the same way I do. It is so stressful tying to teach my 3 children every thing they need to know for school. I have twins that are 8 yrs old and a 6 year old. I do not have them in any after school activities because I want their grades to come up. Yet we have just as much fun going to the park. I hear parents talking about what all their child does after school and wonder how the child does it. No child should have to be pushed so hard at such a young age

Comment by Tamra

April 8th 2008 00:00
and yet it's so hard to resist feeling at times that you're disadvantaging a child if you're not exposing them to the same broad range as their peers. It's the old parenting balancing act, isn't it? How much of what do I give them when and by whom and how! I ultimately think childhood is a time to be a child, not a mini-adult. Hats off to you Cristy in being a parent who can take their children to the park and let them be kids.

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