TamraMiranda Divine Is Not
February 1st 2008 09:50
Ahhh, that great parenting sage Miranda Divine really got it right recently, didn’t she? Believing, apparently, that you can’t afford to sit on the fence when you’re a columnist, Ms Divine declared that in a recent experience at her gym, when an out of control tantrum-ing child couldn’t raise a response from its no doubt exasperated mum, the solution was – “a swift smack on the bottom that acts as an instant "reboot" of a naughty child”. Poor foolish mother. I bet she wished she’d thought of that one.
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I wonder what evidence Ms Divine has for children's behavioural problems being happily resolved by swatting them? A ‘reboot’? Must be some sort of new fangled Silicon Valley system of child control… Perhaps before she suggests that parents revert to the old physical punishment route, something I thought as a society we were collectively trying to eradicate like smallpox, she could produce some stats or some adult subjects grateful to their parents bashing their bums in the past or even a family counsellor advocating smacking. I’m sure she’d find one…in say, the Appalachians. And at what age is a naughty child too old to hit? Or too young? How hard can you hit before you are irrevocably damaging your child’s physical and emotional wellbeing or even your relationship to your offspring?
I’m sure we’ve all felt the sudden surge of wanting to hit out when a tired or hungry, irrational kiddie is yelling, screaming and ranting up close and personal. But you know, I felt that same feeling in the supermarket carpark recently when a lovely gentleman parked so close my mother couldn’t open the door and get out of the car. When I suggested he move his car he told me to F**k off! I didn’t hit out then and there were good reasons why – apart from him clearly being in a different weight division than me. It would have solved nothing; it would only have extended the confrontation; it would have provided him with the result he was possibly looking for, being an apparently sad, low self-esteemed, angry with his lot in life bloke; I could have gotten hurt (very likely); he could have gotten hurt (less likely).
You might think, oh but it’s only a little smack and they can’t hit me back. Hmmm. Not terribly strong evidence to go the whackeroo I wouldn’t think. Aren’t we grown ups trying to solve conflicts in reasonable ways rather than revert to violence of any kind? How can we tell our kids not to whack other unreasonable kids in the playground if we’re busy whacking them at home? It’s okay to hit when you’re an adult? I think not.
There is only one thing I agree with Ms Divine on in this instance. Modern parents seem unable or reluctant to discipline their children. It’s like everyone’s too tired or overwhelmed or feeling too unskilled enough to take on their kids. But with the glut of parenting advice/books/courses/seminars /mentors/mothers groups/early childhood consultants/supernanny shows on tv/proximity of nosy neighbours, there really seems no excuse. Give em some time out, take away their toys, stop treats, feed them regularly, put them to bed, give them to the (friendly)nosy neighbours for awhile/give them a cuddle, talk to them, listen to them, don’t take them out when they’re exhausted/hungry/cranky if you can help it and leave the smacking to Miranda. Tamra
I wonder what evidence Ms Divine has for children's behavioural problems being happily resolved by swatting them? A ‘reboot’? Must be some sort of new fangled Silicon Valley system of child control… Perhaps before she suggests that parents revert to the old physical punishment route, something I thought as a society we were collectively trying to eradicate like smallpox, she could produce some stats or some adult subjects grateful to their parents bashing their bums in the past or even a family counsellor advocating smacking. I’m sure she’d find one…in say, the Appalachians. And at what age is a naughty child too old to hit? Or too young? How hard can you hit before you are irrevocably damaging your child’s physical and emotional wellbeing or even your relationship to your offspring?
I’m sure we’ve all felt the sudden surge of wanting to hit out when a tired or hungry, irrational kiddie is yelling, screaming and ranting up close and personal. But you know, I felt that same feeling in the supermarket carpark recently when a lovely gentleman parked so close my mother couldn’t open the door and get out of the car. When I suggested he move his car he told me to F**k off! I didn’t hit out then and there were good reasons why – apart from him clearly being in a different weight division than me. It would have solved nothing; it would only have extended the confrontation; it would have provided him with the result he was possibly looking for, being an apparently sad, low self-esteemed, angry with his lot in life bloke; I could have gotten hurt (very likely); he could have gotten hurt (less likely).
You might think, oh but it’s only a little smack and they can’t hit me back. Hmmm. Not terribly strong evidence to go the whackeroo I wouldn’t think. Aren’t we grown ups trying to solve conflicts in reasonable ways rather than revert to violence of any kind? How can we tell our kids not to whack other unreasonable kids in the playground if we’re busy whacking them at home? It’s okay to hit when you’re an adult? I think not.
There is only one thing I agree with Ms Divine on in this instance. Modern parents seem unable or reluctant to discipline their children. It’s like everyone’s too tired or overwhelmed or feeling too unskilled enough to take on their kids. But with the glut of parenting advice/books/courses/seminars /mentors/mothers groups/early childhood consultants/supernanny shows on tv/proximity of nosy neighbours, there really seems no excuse. Give em some time out, take away their toys, stop treats, feed them regularly, put them to bed, give them to the (friendly)nosy neighbours for awhile/give them a cuddle, talk to them, listen to them, don’t take them out when they’re exhausted/hungry/cranky if you can help it and leave the smacking to Miranda. Tamra
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